Radharani

Shukadeva Goswami said, "Let me tell you an incident, Parikshit. It is from a very long time ago. At that time, even creation had not yet begun."

There was only the vast mystery before the worlds were made. Brahma had appeared from the lotus growing from the navel of Padmanabha, Lord Narayan. Gods like Rudra, Vishnu, and Maheshwar were all deep in yoga and meditation. Yet while they sat in meditation, a question rose in their minds, and that question gave them no peace.

So they all went to Brahma.

Rudradev bowed and said, "O creator Brahma, I bow to you. You are dharma itself. You are the Veda Purusha. We have come to you with a question. No one has the answer to it. Please remove our doubt."

Brahmadev replied, "Very well. If I know it, I will surely answer. Please tell me your question, Rudradev."

Rudra said, "O first being, we have all been born from a part of Lord Narayan. But who is that Supreme Soul Narayan? What is his true nature? None of us knows this. Please tell us this, Lord."

Brahma became thoughtful. Then he said, "I do not have the answer to this question either. After being born from the lotus of his navel, I could not see the beginning or the end of Narayan. If I could not see him fully, how can I know his true nature? No, no, I cannot answer this."

The gods asked, "Then will we never be able to know the true nature of the Supreme Soul, Lord?"

Brahma answered, "Surely we can. Only Narayan himself can answer this question. Very well, I will go to the Lord and learn the answer."

Brahma then went to Narayan in the Kshira Ocean. There the Lord was resting in yoga upon Shesh Nag. Brahma came before Padmanabha, Lord Shri Hari, bowed to him, and began to praise him.

Pleased by Brahma's prayers, Shri Hari opened his two lotus-like eyes. Seeing creator Brahmadev standing before him with folded hands, the Lord smiled and said, "I am pleased by your praise. O Brahmadev, why have you awakened me? What do you want?"

Brahma said, "Lord, I have a request. All the gods of heaven have come to me and asked about your true nature. What answer shall I give them? Please tell me who you are. Please tell me."

The Lord said, "You want to know my truth? Very well. Go and tell the gods that I am bliss. Now let me show you my true form."

After saying this, Lord Narayan again entered deep yoga. His whole body now bloomed like a thousand-petaled lotus. The color of his body became even brighter. It seemed as if nectar was falling from his face and smile.

Then from the heart of that meditating form of Shri Hari appeared a heavenly female form. Her glow was like fresh gold. She was adorned with divine flower garlands and many precious jewels. She was so beautiful, so full of grace, and so radiant that Brahmadev could not say a single word. He only gazed at her with steady, unblinking eyes.

Then Shri Hari slowly opened his eyes and said in a calm, deep voice, "Did you see, Brahmadev? This is my true form. I am always absorbed in the thought of this Hladini. I cannot express this form in words, so I showed it to you."

Brahma said, "I am blessed, Lord. O, this is my great fortune."

The Lord continued, "The name of this Hladini Shakti of mine is Radha. In Dwapar Yuga, she will come down to earth with my Krishna avatar. Though there is no difference between us, still for the sake of divine play we will take separate forms. What Radha is, what her true nature is, cannot be spoken with the mouth. O King, it must be realized."

Shukadeva then said, "Even till today no one has understood the truth of Radha. Because Radha and Hari have no difference between them. Who has ever truly understood God? To understand him, there is no way except to become one with him, O King. This alone is the fate. Just as a doll of salt melts away in the sea, it is exactly like that."

Then someone said, "Shri Krishna is Purusha, and Shri Radha is Prakriti. We have heard, O great sage, that the play of Vrindavan is seen through the eyes of Purusha and Prakriti."

Shukadeva replied, "You have heard correctly, Rishi Angira. The play of Vrindavan is truly the play of Prakriti. The main power of that play is Prakriti."

Angira asked, "Why do you say this, Acharyadev? Krishna is the chief there. He is Purusha. Then why do you call Prakriti the chief? Please explain this to me."

Shukadeva said, "Brajdham is truly a Shakti Peeth, O King. The goddess of that sacred place is Katyayani. In this Vrindavan, Goddess Kalika herself flows in the form of Kalindi. Do you know what Kalindi is? Yamuna. That is why the water of this river is dark. The creepers and plants are called Vrinda. Here Goddess Katyayani herself lives as those creepers, bushes, and forest flowers. That is why everything in Vrindavan is so sweet, O King. Everything is a part of that Shakti. Yes, O King, everything."

He continued, "Even Goddess Katyayani herself performed divine play in the forms of Radha and Krishna. The gopis are companions of that Great Mother. I have already told you about Yogamaya in Hari's play. Without her illusion, this play would be incomplete. And that Yogamaya too is really another form of that Great Shakti. And look, all the forests of Vrindavan are each a part of Shri Radha. Do you know, O King, each forest shows one mood of Shri Radha. Among all those forests, Bhandir forest is the chief."

Parikshit asked, "Why, O great sage? What happened in that forest?"

Shukadeva said, "The marriage of Radha and Krishna took place there, O King."

Parikshit was amazed. "Marriage? Are Krishna and Radha married?"

Shukadeva smiled gently and said, "The life of Radha and Krishna is endless, and their divine play is endless too. That play cannot be fully told, Parikshit. So let me tell you one drop of the sweetness of that endless play."

"At that time, the dark Gopal of Braj was very small. Nanda Raja would carry him in his arms and go to graze the cows. He had gone that day too. Suddenly a great storm arose. What a storm it was! Brajdham had never seen such a storm before. The sky turned dark and terrible thunder began to roar. And the clouds looked so fearful that Maharaj Nanda's heart trembled."

He held his son tightly in his arms. As he kept looking at those storm clouds, Nanda Raja suddenly saw a strange sight. From that mass of deep dark clouds, Radharani was coming down like a flash of lightning.

Parikshit said softly, "Radharani?"

"Yes, O King, Radharani," said Shukadeva. "She came down through the clouds. She was in full youthful beauty. A strange bright light was spreading from her body. What an amazing form she had. Seeing that wondrous form and its appearance, Nanda Raja was filled with wonder. He understood that this could never be something ordinary. The whole matter was the doing of Shri Radhika."

Then Radharani came and stood before the amazed Nanda in her full glory.

Nanda bowed inwardly and said, "It is for receiving this child that you have created this divine illusion. I understand that, O Goddess."

Radharani replied, "You have understood rightly, Maharaj Nanda."

Nanda said, "I place this child in your hands, O Goddess. Please accept him. I have only one request. When your play is over, please return my Gopal to his mother Yashoda."

Radharani answered, "So it shall be, Nanda Raja."

Then Nanda Raja placed child Krishna into the arms of that divine Brajeshwari, Radharani. Shri Radhika received him with outstretched hands. Maharaj Nanda then happily returned to his home.

Holding the blue child in her lap, Radharani lovingly kissed his face. The moment the child received the touch of Shri Radhika, he took on the beauty of full youth. A crown appeared upon his head, and a peacock feather shone there. A forest garland hung around his neck. In his hand was the enchanting flute, and on his face was a sweet smile. With deep love he held Radharani's hand.

Seeing that pair form of the newly youthful Shyam and blue-clad Shri Radha, Prajapati Brahma came there. Folding his hands, he said, "Victory to the paired form of Radheshyam. Your union is divinely destined. I have come to Braj to bring about that union."

Radha and Krishna bowed and said, "We bow to you, O creator. Now please tell us what we must do."

Brahma said, "You must go to Bhandir forest, Lord. There your union will take place."

They answered, "As you command. Please go ahead as our priest, Brahmadev."

So Prajapati Brahma himself became the priest and joined the four hands of the divine pair of Braj.

Then Shukadeva said, "Do you understand, O King? After that marriage, Krishna again returned to the form of Gopal. Radharani carried him and delivered him to mother Yashoda."

Parikshit said, "I had never heard before that Radha was Krishna's wife, Lord. I am hearing this for the first time."

Shukadeva replied, "Radha is not Krishna's wife. In the eyes of society, she is the wife of Ayan Ghosh. This marriage with Krishna took place secretly, hidden from the eyes of the world. It is called a Brahma marriage. Krishna was really still a child then. What you have heard, O King, was all divine play. The grown Krishna again returned to childhood. In worldly society, this marriage has no existence, Parikshit. No existence at all."

Parikshit said, "I understand, Lord. The only witness to this marriage was Prajapati Brahma. No one else knows of it."

"That is right," said Shukadeva. "In worldly life, this union has no place. It is completely a spiritual union."

Parikshit then said, "I very much wish to hear about Ayan Ghosh, who was Radharani's husband in worldly life, Lord."

Shukadeva replied, "Yes, O King, I will tell you about him too. Ayan Ghosh lived in Jarud village near Gokul. He was related to Nandarani Yashoda as a brother. Like the others of Brajbhumi, Ayan Ghosh too was a gopa. Cattle-keeping was his living. What great fortune Ayan Ghosh had, that Radharani herself came to his house as his wife. You do not know of the tapasya he did in a past birth, O King. He was a great ascetic. Otherwise such a rare blessing could never happen."

Parikshit asked, "Whose worship did Ayan do? Tell me that, Lord."

Shukadeva said, "In his previous birth, Ayan Ghosh performed tapasya to Vishnu. It was very hard tapasya. He had completely lost awareness of his body. After a long time of severe tapasya, Shri Vishnu showed mercy. He came before the devotee and said, 'Child, I am pleased by your tapasya. Your wish will be fulfilled.'"

The ascetic said, "Lord, you are full of endless virtues and endless mercy. By giving darshan to one as unworthy as me, you have blessed me, O God."

Vishnu said, "Ask me for a boon, child. What do you want?"

The ascetic bowed and said, "Lord, if you will give me a boon, then give me this one. Let me attain your beloved, your Shakti, Lakshmi Devi."

At once Vishnu said, "That is impossible. No, no, I will not give you that boon. If you want the wealth of Goddess Lakshmi, I can fill you with riches. You will gain fame, glory, and honor. You will become known throughout the world."

But the devotee said, "Forgive me, Lord. I do not want such a boon. I have no attraction to anything in the world. I want nothing. I want only Lakshmi Devi."

Vishnu said again, "No, child, I will not give you this boon."

Without granting the boon, Vishnu disappeared. For how could any human gain God's own Shakti? No, that was impossible.

But the seeker did not give up. His determination and one-pointed mind only grew stronger. He decided that now he would perform such tapasya as no human had ever done. He began again, and this time the tapasya was even harder.

Seeing his devotee burning in the fire of that terrible austerity, Shri Hari could not remain away. He appeared again and said, "Stop this hard tapasya, stop it. Child, your tapasya has succeeded. You are my devotee. I myself have come before you. What could still remain lacking for you? Why are you giving yourself so much pain?"

The devotee answered, "Lord, after seeing you, nothing is lacking for me. I have only one desire. I want to attain your Shakti. Let her brighten my home. Please, please grant me that boon. Until I receive this boon, I will go on doing harder and harder tapasya. I will surely continue."

Then Vishnu said, "Very well, you need not do tapasya anymore. I will give you the boon you ask for. In your next birth, you will attain my Shakti herself."

The ascetic cried out in joy, "Your endless mercy, Lord, your endless mercy. Blessed Lord, blessed is your name. What no one in the world has ever gained, that rare boon you have given me. I bow to you again and again, Lord. Again and again I bow to you. Blessed are you, blessed."

Then the Lord added, "Listen, child. You will indeed attain my Shakti as your wife, but there is one condition. You will have no manly power. You will not be able to live the life of husband and wife in the worldly way. I myself will remain established in your heart. There will be no place there for anyone else."

The devotee said, "I have no sorrow in that, Lord. Let your wish be fulfilled."

Vishnu said, "So be it."

Shukadeva continued, "That devotee ascetic was born in the next life as Ayan Ghosh. He was also known as Abhimanyu. His father's name was Gola. His mother's name was Jatila. His sister's name was Kutila. He also had a brother named Durmada."

"It was Nanda Maharaj himself who arranged the marriage of this Ayan Ghosh with Vrishabhanu's daughter. He personally stood there and had them married. Radharani was only a very young girl then."

Parikshit asked, "Acharyadev, did Ayan Ghosh know who his wife really was?"

Shukadeva replied, "If God himself does not wish it, can a seeker know divine glory? No, O King, he cannot. No one in her in-laws' house knew the true nature of Radharani. But Ayan did know that his wife was not an ordinary woman. Yet Ayan too was completely detached from worldly family life. One who had done such hard tapasya in a past birth, could he become a pleasure-loving householder in the next birth, O King?"

Parikshit asked, "Did he feel no attraction toward his wife, Lord? Was Ayan Ghosh a devotee in this life too?"

"Yes," said Shukadeva, "but not a devotee of Vishnu. In this life he was a devotee of Kali. He would make an image of Kali with his own hands and worship it. He was a devotee of Braj's Goddess Katyayani. Did I not tell you, O King, that the whole Braj play is really the play of Shakti? You can see it here too. Where Brajeshwari herself is present, the glory of the Goddess must also be there. So Ayan himself was a devotee of Kali."

Parikshit said, "I see. Were Ayan Ghosh's family members also such devotees, Lord?"

Shukadeva answered, "No, O King, they were not devotees. But all those who are part of this Braj play of Krishna and Radha carry divine qualities within them. Otherwise they could not have been part of this play at all."

Parikshit then said, "I am very curious to know more about Shri Radhika's family life, Lord."

Shukadeva said, "Radharani's family life? No, O King, what family life can there be for one who is detachment itself? But yes, I will tell you about her family members, though not now. Before that, I must tell you of her inner soul. If Shyam Sundar were not there, then Radharani also would not be there. Radha's play and Shyam's play flow side by side, mixing into one another."

Parikshit folded his hands and said, "Then please tell me, Lord, please tell me. I want to hear more about that priceless lady of love, Acharyadev. I also want to hear where Radharani met Shyam Sundar."

Shukadeva said, "Radharani lives in Barsana village, O King. The greatness and glory of Vrishabhanu's palace are worth seeing. The greatest glory of that palace is Vrishabhanu's daughter, Shri Radhika. She does not go out much into town or market. The dust of the road has never made her feet dirty."

"Sometimes she spends time with garden flowers, trees, and birds. Sometimes she sits by the window and watches the cowherds on the road, or the clouds in the sky, and sometimes she talks with her friends. Her two dearest friends are Lalita and Vishakha."

Parikshit said, "But they are not princesses."

"No, O King," Shukadeva replied. "They are simple gopis. Vrishabhanu too, like Nandagopa, is a king among the gopa people. So he has great standing, but no pride. I have already told you that he too was a spiritual seeker. By the power of his great tapasya, he received such a jewel of a daughter."

Parikshit asked, "Shri Radhika was married when she was still a child. But did she not live in her husband's house, Acharyadev?"

Shukadeva answered, "Vrishabhanu gave the girl in marriage when she was only five years old. And that too was only in name. I told you about Garga Muni, O King, the one who said at the naming ceremony of Radha that this girl would be united with Nanda's son Shri Hari."

Parikshit said, "Yes, Acharyadev, I remember that."

Shukadeva continued, "Vrishabhanu had not forgotten that. Neither father nor mother had any doubt about their daughter's divine nature. For that reason too, Vrishabhanu kept Radha close to himself and protected her with all his heart. She was not yet old enough to go live in her in-laws' house. So Radharani lived happily in Vrishabhanu's home. She gathered flowers, made garlands, and gazed into emptiness. Who knows whom she was thinking of."

One day flowers were placed before her in a basket. She sat making a garland with great care. Just then Lalita and Vishakha came and sat beside her.

Lalita smiled and said, "Radhe, wow, what a beautiful garland you have made. Tell me, friend, for whom will you give this garland?"

Radha replied, "I do not know. Who else will I give it to? It will stay soaked in water in a stone bowl. It stays like that every day."

Lalita laughed gently. "Every day you make a garland, and every day that garland dries up in vain."

Radha said, "What are you saying, friend? Do flowers stay forever? Of course they will dry."

Lalita said, "I have seen one person whose garland never dries. Every day he wears a new garland, but the flowers of the old garland stay just as fresh."

Radha looked up. "It does not seem possible."

Vishakha said, "Can that really happen? Surely your eyes made a mistake."

Then she corrected herself with a smile and said, "No, friend, Lalita is right. And not only his garland. Any flower beside which he stands never dries. Any bird near him keeps singing all the time. At his touch, even darkness lights up, friend."

Radha asked, "How strange. Who is he? Where does he live? Does he have a name?"

Lalita said, "He has many names. People call him by whatever name they can. And do you know what is strange? Each name seems to belong only to him, as if it could belong to no one else. We call him Shyam and Krishna. All of Vrindavan calls him by those names."

Radha asked softly, "So he lives in Vrindavan?"

"Yes, friend," said Vishakha. "He lives in Vrindavan. He is the son of Nandagopa. He is the darling of all Vrindavan. Ah, what more shall I say about him, friend? All of Vrindavan is mad with love for his beauty and his qualities. If they do not see him for even a moment, the heart of Vrindavan becomes sad. The gopis go almost mad because of their longing for him, friend. Anyone who has seen that beauty once no longer likes any other beauty."

Radha said with a little hurt sweetness, "I understand. Now you have found a new Shyam, so you no longer remember your friend."

Lalita answered, "Later, friend, later. But I will not lie to you, friend. I do not feel like staying away from Shyam Sundar even for a moment. I feel I want to see more, and more, and keep seeing him. You have not seen him, so you cannot understand. If only you could see him once."

Vishakha sighed and said, "Oh lucky one, if only we could show him to you once."

Radha leaned closer. "And how will you show him to me? Then I too would see. I would see whether my eyes too become enchanted by Shyam like yours."

Vishakha said, "Very well, let us do one thing then. Let us draw a picture of Shyam. If we cannot show you the real Shyam, today we will at least show you his picture."

Lalita clapped her hands. "That is a very good idea, Vishakha. Yes, draw it. Then Radha will understand whom we are speaking of."

On a leaf, Vishakha painted a picture of Shyam with colors. She painted it with great care, for the cowherd boys and girls of Vrindavan were very skilled in art. Vishakha painted that enchanting form exactly.

When the painting was finished, she held the leaf out toward Radharani.

"Look, Radhe," she said. "This is our Shyam Sundar. Now tell me, have you ever seen such a face anywhere? Does anyone else have such beauty? Even among us girls there is no one like that, not to speak of men. And this smile, can anyone in the three worlds smile like this?"

Lalita added, "Wow, how beautifully you have painted him, Vishakha. It is exactly true, as if our Krishna Sundar is standing there with his flute. It seems he will start walking this very moment. This is truly that Madan Mohan. Look, Radhe, look. Now do you believe us?"

Radha stared at the painted leaf. Her whole being seemed to tremble.

At last she whispered, "What are you saying, friend, about belief? Belief is too small a word. Whom am I seeing? It feels as if the Yamuna River is making waves inside my heart. What have I seen? Whom have I seen? Are you truly speaking the truth, friends? Does this enchanting form truly exist?"

"Yes, yes, he does, friend," they answered. "He truly exists. Do you still not believe it?"

Radha said, "No, friend, it is not disbelief. I want to see him once. I am enchanted just by the picture. Now I want to see him before me, friend."

Vishakha asked, "If this is your condition after seeing his picture, what will you do if you see him in person, friend?"

Radha answered with deep feeling, "Whatever happens, even if I die, at least the longing of my eyes will be fulfilled. Otherwise I will go on waiting like the chatak bird and one day I will die, friend. I surely will. If I do not see that beauty, I will not be able to live, friend."

Lalita quickly said, "No, no, have some patience. We will surely arrange something. You will definitely meet Shyam. Trust us a little."

After hearing of Shyam from her friends and seeing his picture, Radharani became deeply stirred. Until she saw him, she had no peace. Day and night she thought only of Shyam. Seeing their dear friend's condition, Lalita and Vishakha were deeply moved.

At last one day Lalita came and said, "O Rai, God has looked kindly upon you. He has heard your call. You will see Shyam."

Radha at once rose up. "Will it happen? I will meet him? But how? I do not go to the Yamuna like you do, friend."

Lalita said, "You will not have to go. You will not have to go anywhere. Shyam Sundar himself will come this way. Then you will look at him to your heart's content."

Parikshit eagerly asked, "Did Krishna come, Acharyadev?"

Shukadeva said, "Yes, he did. The next day, while grazing the cows, he came toward Barsana in Brajbhumi. From afar the sound of his enchanting flute was heard."

Vishakha became alert and said, "There comes the Lord of Braj. Keep watching, Radhe. You will see him on this very path."

Radha replied, "I have spread my two eyes on this path only for that waiting, friend."

She sat by the window with longing eyes. Soon Shri Krishna came walking with the cows and calves, playing his sweet flute. From afar his yellow cloth could already be seen. Shri Radha sat there, filled with emotion.

Then it happened.

They only looked at each other.

Shri Krishna smiled, and then, still playing his flute, went on toward Vrindavan.

After he passed, Radha could hardly breathe. She cried out, "Friend, whom have I seen? Why did I see him? What storm has come over my whole life, friend? How will I remove my eyes from that face? If that face goes far away, how will I live? Alas, alas, why did I see that face?"

Then she began to weep. "Who will bring me news of Shyam Sundar? Who will save me, friend? Who will save me?"

Her friends tried to calm her.

Lalita said, "Do not cry. Since you have seen him once, what is there to worry about? You did not see him alone. Krishna also saw you. Have some patience. That enchanting form will come to you again, and he will come on his own. Believe my words, friend. You are the moon of this land of Braj. Does Madan Mohan look right without you? He will surely return to your door."

But Radha shook her head. "No, friend, do I have that much power? Tell me, by what power shall I draw him to me? This Braj is so vast, there are so many people. Among all of them, will that flute-player sound his flute only for me? I do not have such attraction, friend. I do not have such worth."

Vishakha took her hand and said, "Radhe, O you are priceless. Beside you, that Shyam is not worth even a small coin. You do not know your own worth. The one who should know has surely known. He will pay that price, friend."

Radha answered, "No, Vishakha, I have no such pride in myself. If I want the sight of Shyam, I must do tapasya. I must. What shall I do? Tell me. Tell me, Lalita. I know you are the garland around Shyam Chandra's neck. Tell me, friend, tell me."

Lalita thought for a moment and then said, "Do one thing, Radhe. Perform tapasya to Goddess Tulsi. If Goddess Tulsi is pleased, you will attain Shyam."

At once Radha said, "Yes. I will do that. Goddess Tulsi will show me the way. From today I will make a Tulsi grove. Until I receive his darshan, I will remain there. I will remain there."