Farewell, Vrindavan

King Parikshit listened with a troubled heart. Then he asked, "Did Nanda Raja have any idea, Acharyadev, that one day a call for Krishna and Balaram might come from Mathura?"

Shukadeva Goswami replied, "Yes, King, he did. Gargamuni had told him almost everything about Krishna and Balaram. He did not hide the fact that these two brothers would be the cause of Kansa’s destruction. After hearing all that, Nanda had prepared himself in his heart. Also, in Vrindavan, Krishna had destroyed one demon after another by divine power. After that, Nanda Maharaj had no doubt at all about his divine nature. Nanda Maharaj knew that Krishna’s going to Mathura was only a matter of time."

Parikshit asked again, "When Akrur came to Vrindavan, did he ask Nanda Raja for permission to take Krishna and Balaram, Acharyadev?"

"No, Parikshit," said Shukadeva. "Akrur had come with the king’s own order. Why would he need anyone else’s permission? Akrur did not come to ask for permission. He came to carry out the command. But after getting the divine sight of Krishna and Balaram, Akrur forgot everything for the time being. He forgot everything. He walked in great joy with Krishna and Balaram toward Nanda’s house."

When they reached the house, Krishna welcomed him warmly.

"Come, great-minded Akrur," Krishna said. "Welcome to the house of Nanda Raja. You have come from so far away. Surely you are very tired. I will wash your feet. I will fan you and remove your tiredness. Come, honored sir, please sit on this seat."

Akrur was deeply moved. "O Lord, why should you serve me, Master?"

Krishna smiled gently. "Am I not worthy to serve your feet? In this Braj, serving a guest is our duty. Please do not make us fail in our duty, honored sir. Please, please take your seat."

Then Krishna served Akrur with great care and gave him a fine meal. His tiredness went away. Balaram placed a sweet-smelling garland around his neck. Akrur felt satisfied. He felt pure inside.

After this, Nanda Maharaj came to him. He first asked about his welfare, and then said, "Under the rule of cruel and heartless Kansa, how are you, how are all of you?"

Akrur answered sadly, "Honored Nanda, he is so sinful that he did not even spare the one who gave him birth. So just think how much the people suffer under his rule, day and night. The less said about Mathura, the better, Nanda Raja. Even after giving so much punishment to two innocent people like Vasudev and Devaki, Kansa was not satisfied. He has again kept them locked in prison. Old King Ugrasen is also in prison. I do not know how much longer he will live."

Nanda Maharaj spoke kindly. "You, you should not grieve, Akrur. Breathe freely now in the joy of Braj. I will arrange for your rest."

When evening had passed, Krishna and Balaram came and sat with Akrur. Nanda Raja and the queen were not there. Akrur saw at once that Krishna’s soft and cheerful face looked sad.

Holding Akrur’s hand, Madhusudan said in a deep voice, "Because of me, my mother and father have to suffer so much. That sinful Kansa has tied their hands and feet and thrown them into a dark prison. He even killed their newborn children."

Akrur lowered his head. "What can I say about that, Lord? The common people of Mathura are waiting for you day and night with tears in their eyes. Their suffering can no longer be watched."

Krishna then said, "I too have long wished to meet some relative from Mathura. Today I have met you. Now please tell me why you have come to this Vrindavan."

In answer to Krishna’s question, Akrur told him everything Kansa had said. He did not leave out a single word about all the plots being made there to kill Krishna and Balaram.

After hearing everything from Akrur, the two brothers only smiled a little.

Then Krishna called Nanda Raja and said, "Father, Maharaj Kansa has invited everyone in Vrindavan. He will hold a bow sacrifice in Mathura. The honorable Akrur has come to take my elder brother and me there. Everyone in Braj must go there, father. After all, it is the king’s invitation."

Nanda Maharaj said at once, "Yes, of course we will all go there. I will send word to everyone right now, Kanai."

Then Nanda Maharaj called everyone in Vrindavan and told them about King Kansa’s invitation to the bow sacrifice. He also told them that all the milk, ghee, curd, butter, and other things being prepared should be taken to Mathura.

Meanwhile, the news that Krishna and Balaram would leave Braj spread everywhere like wildfire.

In Nanda Raja’s house, Mother Yashoda began to cry in pain.

"O Lord, oh!" she wailed. "For what sin are you punishing me, Master? My Kanai, my Balai, without whom I cannot stay even for a moment, will now leave me forever. What will I do now, O God? I have no other way except to die."

Nanda Maharaj tried to calm her. "Shame, shame, Yashoda, what are you saying? If Kanai and Balai hear this, how much pain they will feel, tell me? Your crying will bring harm to them."

But Yashoda could not be comforted. "Why did this happen? For whose sin did this happen? I, I knowingly did no wrong, O king, O God. Then why am I being punished?"

Nanda said, "Why are you thinking of this as a punishment, Yashoda? The king himself has invited Kanai and Balai. They will honor the invitation and then come back again."

Still she wept. "My heart is warning me badly. I, I cannot accept it. Who will take care of Kanai except me? Who will feed them? They do not even know how to eat properly."

"Yashoda, calm down, calm down," Nanda said gently. "It is the royal house. Will there be any lack of people there to care for them? They are the king’s guests. And besides, I too will go to Mathura. Do not worry. Kanai and Balai will not be neglected in any way."

King Parikshit asked softly, "What did the gopis do when they heard that Krishna would leave, O sage?"

Shukadeva said, "There was a great cry among them. They began to weep loudly. Some fell unconscious as soon as they heard the news. Some began striking their own foreheads. In the fire of their sighs and grief, they themselves seemed to burn to ashes. Forgetting society, relatives, family, everything, they began to cry out in sorrow."

The gopis cried to fate and to Krishna himself.

"Why? Why are you so cruel? If in the end we had to be parted from Krishna, then why did you bring us before him? Why did we fall in love with him? Our mind, our life, our heart, nothing is ours anymore, nothing at all. All of these, all of these belong to Krishna. What will we live with now? What will we live with?"

Another cried, "Krishna, O Krishna! Was this in your heart, Madhav? Why? What is our fault? Is it a fault to love you with all we have? Tell us, Madhav, please tell us."

One gopi tried to console another. "Do not cry, friend, do not cry. What will happen by blaming fate, tell me? Nothing can happen without Krishna’s wish. That Shyamsundar himself has given us this terrible wound. To us, to our love, Shyam has given such a cruel blow."

Another said through tears, "You are right, friend. This is Shyam’s nature. He runs after ever-new love. Why would he remember us anymore, friend? Who are we to him? Now Mathura has everything of Shyam. Did you not see how easily he is able to leave Vrindavan? But see, we cannot leave Krishna so easily. Friend, we cannot. We made a mistake, a mistake. Our hearts are breaking from pain and sorrow. Where is Shyam, where? Not even once did you come, not even once did you come."

Then another said, "No, friend, what is the use of blaming only Shyam? Shyamsundar has answered the prayers of the women of Mathura. Like us, they too must have done penance to get Shyam. Maybe that is why Shyam himself is going there. He makes no difference between his own and others, friend."

But another immediately answered, "No, no, no, no. No one loves Shyam the way we do. No one ever can, no one ever will. Mathura, Mathura may love him for his beauty. But we, we have waited for Shyam through birth after birth. Do not compare Mathura with us, friend. Do not."

Parikshit then asked, "And what did Radharani do when she heard this terrible news, O sage? How did she comfort herself?"

Shukadeva answered, "Radharani had no strength left to speak, no words left in her. She had fainted among the sakhis. The sakhis were serving her. They were trying to bring her back to her senses, forgetting their own pain of separation. They were easing Sri Radhika’s suffering."

The sakhis cried out all around her.

"Radhe, Radhe, what has happened to you? Radhe, get up, friend, open your eyes. Bring water, friend, friend, bring water. Put water on her eyes and face. Radha has no sense. First, first her fainting must be broken. Friend, friend, fan her. Friend, friend, fan her."

Then from Radha’s lips came only one cry. "Krishna, Krishna!"

A sakhi said, "Radhe, Radhe, she has regained consciousness. Radha has regained consciousness."

Another answered, "No, friend, she has not. In her faint, Radha is chanting Krishna’s name."

Then they tried another way. "Radhe, Radhe, get up, Radhe. Look, look, Keshav has come. Keshav, Keshav!"

At that, Radha stirred and said, "What has happened, Keshav? What has happened, Keshav?"

Krishna was there before her. He said gently, "Do not grieve, friend. Listen to me. Be calm, all of you. Radhe, get up. Radhe, get up. Listen to me."

Radha looked at him with great pain in her eyes. "Krishna, will you go away?"

Krishna answered, "Krishna, have you forgotten why I came to this earth with you, at the word of Prajapati Brahma, Radha? I have come to lighten the burden of this earth. You know, Radhe, I must carry out my duty myself."

Radha said, "And me? What will happen to me, Madhav? If you go away, I too will not stay alive. Radha without Krishna will have no existence, Madhusudan."

Krishna replied, "Krishna can never be without Radha. Wherever Krishna is, there is Radha. Wherever Radha is, there is Krishna. Who can separate us two? The sight that thinks us separate is a polluted sight, do you not know that, Radha?"

Then Radha said with sorrow, "You say this today, Krishna? Once, if you could not see this Radha, Braj seemed empty to your eyes, Madhav. Does it still not feel the same today, Radhe?"

Then she answered her own pain. "No, Krishna. Otherwise you would not leave Radha like this and go away. Perhaps after going to Mathura, you will forget me. But I will stay here, slowly burning away with your memory and separation in my heart, Madhav. In this way I will die."

Krishna said, "What are you saying, Radha? Have you forgotten yourself, me, and the purpose for which we came down to this world, beloved? Now the time of duty has come. I cannot ignore its call. But my sweetness, my love, my heart, all remain in this Braj, Radhe. All remain in this Braj. All remain with you."

Radha asked in a trembling voice, "Is this separation between us unavoidable? Tell me, is there truly no way to stop it?"

Krishna said, "Do not grieve, Radha. Grief does not suit you. You think of this as separation, but I do not. Whenever I look at myself, I see you. Besides, remember Sridham’s curse, Radhe. In Golok he cursed that there would be a separation of one hundred years between us. His words cannot become false, beloved."

Radha said, "After Sridham’s curse, there was your blessing too, Hari. You had said that even during this time of separation, we would meet once every month. Do you remember that, Krishna?"

"Yes, Radhe, I remember," Krishna answered. "I have forgotten nothing. I will keep my word. Now be calm, Radhe. Be calm."

Then the sakhis also cried, "And us? What will happen to us, Hari? Where shall we go?"

Krishna said to them, "You are always close to me, and so you will remain. You are in my heart. No one can remove you from there, friend. We will meet again. Do not grieve."

King Parikshit said, "I cannot accept this scene in my heart, Acharyadev. The more I think of it, the more I tremble inside. This cry, this pain."

Shukadeva replied, "I know, King, I know. I understand everything. You have become one with the state of the gopis’ hearts, Parikshit. The fire of Krishna’s separation has started to burn in your mind too, King. You too are burning in that separation."

Parikshit said, "I, I cannot remain calm, O sage. My mind is being torn apart by one question after another."

"Speak, King," said Shukadeva. "Tell me what questions are rising in your mind."

Parikshit asked, "Did the Lord really have to leave Braj, O sage?"

"The call of duty is very hard, King," Shukadeva answered. "Can it be ignored? Sri Krishna, who is God himself, how could he ignore his duty? And how could he ignore time itself? So he had to go to Mathura. Otherwise the duty of killing Kansa would remain unfinished, King. It would remain unfinished. And also, how else would the devotees of Mathura receive him?"

Parikshit asked again, "After finishing his work in Mathura, why would he not return to Braj? Why did Krishna not give that promise?"

"It cannot happen that way, King," said Shukadeva. "As you hear more, you will understand the reason yourself. I will tell you about Ugrasen, Kansa’s father, Parikshit. You will see that he was very old. It was not possible for him to rule the kingdom. So now think, King. If Krishna returned from Mathura to Vrindavan right after Kansa’s death, then disorder would arise in the kingdom of Mathura. That is why he had to take responsibility for that kingdom."

Parikshit still asked, "Then he could have at least promised to come secretly to Braj and meet them. Was there some problem even in that, Acharyadev?"

"Yes, there was," Shukadeva said. "That problem was Jarasandha, Kansa’s father-in-law. Because of him alone, there was no warrior in heaven, on earth, or in the underworld who could fight Kansa. At that time, Jarasandha was the mightiest one on earth. Krishna was his chief enemy. Now tell me, Parikshit, what would happen if Jarasandha somehow found out the place most dear to Krishna?"

Parikshit said at once, "I understand, Acharyadev. He would destroy Vrindavan."

"Yes, King," said Shukadeva. "Vrindavan was a very simple and gentle village. That village could never stop an attack from Jarasandha or the other kings who were friends of Kansa, King, never. Besides, even without a direct attack, Jarasandha could have harmed Vrindavan in many other ways."

Still Parikshit asked, "But, Lord, Krishna could have brought his dear ones from Vrindavan to Mathura. Then they too could have seen him. He could have done that if he wished. Then why did he not do it, O sage? Please answer this question for me."

"Parikshit, even that was not possible," Shukadeva replied. "That too would have created many problems."

"Why, O sage? What problems are you speaking of? Please explain."

Shukadeva said, "Look, King. The Krishna of Vrindavan is a cowherd boy. He plays the flute. He raises cows and calves. He delights everyone in Vrindavan. This Krishna is not at all the same as the Krishna of Mathura. There he is a kshatriya, dressed like a prince. There he will now be bound by war, conflict, politics, strategy, and duty. Vrindavan would not be able to bear that form, King, it would not. And Mathura too would never get to see his flute-playing form. So how could the two places become one? In Vrindavan there is love, and in Mathura there is action—these two forms cannot stay together, King."

Parikshit bowed his head. "I understand, Lord. For the same reason the people of Braj could not feel at ease even after seeing Vaikuntha. You yourself told me that."

"Yes, King, you have understood correctly," Shukadeva said. "They could not join Rasaraj Brajeshwar and the all-ruling Hari as one. Vrindavan is satisfied only with his form of sweetness and divine play. They do not want any other form. Their devotion is single and unwavering."

Parikshit asked, "What does that mean, Lord?"

"Steady devotion," said Shukadeva. "It means firm faith in one special form. No other form or feeling can enter there. Just as the great Hanuman has firm devotion to the form of Ram, in the same way Vrindavan could not accept any form other than their Lord of divine sweetness. A great religious crisis would have come from that, do you understand, King?"

"Yes, Lord," said Parikshit. "Now I understand everything. There is no more confusion in my mind. I am at peace now, Lord. The fire of sorrow in my heart has gone out. Now please tell me the story of Sri Krishna’s journey to Mathura, O sage. I have now become steady enough to hear it."

Shukadeva grew grave. "Do you know, Parikshit, what it really means to tell the story of the journey to Mathura? It means telling the story of Akrur driving his chariot across the soul of Braj. It is very hard to speak that story, and even harder to understand it. Fire goes out when wind touches it, King. But a forest fire burns even more fiercely. Now that forest fire has risen in Vrindavan, King. A forest fire has risen."

At dawn, Akrur’s chariot was made ready. He would take Balaram and Krishna with him. He would take away the life of Vrindavan.

By Nanda Maharaj’s order, pots of milk, curd, and other things from Braj were also being arranged on other carts. Those too would go to Mathura.

Akrur stood before the brothers and said, "O Balaram, O Madhav, this chariot is blessed by your touch, so I have brought it with a pure heart. Nothing in this chariot is impure."

Then Krishna said, "The time of our journey has come, Nanda Maharaj. Please give us permission now."

The brothers bowed low. "Pranam, father. Pranam, mother. We will go now."

Nanda Maharaj said, "Go carefully, Kanai. Keep an eye on your younger brother, Balaram. You will bring the people of Braj with you, will you not?"

Krishna answered, "Yes, father, we are coming right behind you. Go carefully."

Then Yashoda cried out in unbearable sorrow, "O Krishna, Krishna, will I ever see you again, child? How will I live after leaving you? How will I? Who will call me mother, O Krishna?"

Krishna tried to comfort her. "Mother, mother, do not cry like this, mother. Then how can we go, tell me? I will come to you again, mother. I will. If you close your eyes and think of me, you will see me. I will never leave your lap and go anywhere, mother. I promise. Do not cry, mother. My dear mother, do not cry. I promise, I will return again."

Then Krishna and Balaram climbed onto the chariot.

The chariot rushed toward Mathura. But on the way there was a great obstacle.

So many deep groups stood in the middle of the road. Some lay down before the wheels of the chariot. Even if the wheels passed over their bodies, still they would not let Madhav go. They would not let him go at all.

Some even began beating the horses of Akrur’s chariot. They threw branches, sticks, and whatever they could find at Akrur. They spoke harsh words to him.

Then Krishna himself came forward to protect Akrur. In a soft and gentle voice, he began to console the gopis. Then he sat again on the chariot.

Raising dust on the roads of Vrindavan, that chariot sped away.

As long as it could be seen, the gopis kept looking in that direction.

Parikshit asked, "Were they waiting for Krishna to return, Acharyadev?"

Shukadeva answered, "Yes, King. The gopis had an impossible hope that Krishna might not be able to leave them and might return again to Vrindavan. But when he truly did not return, they sat down on the road with deep sighs."

Akrur then brought Krishna and Balaram to the bank of the Yamuna. All of them drank the clear, shining water, like nectar.

Then, after seating the two brothers on the chariot, Akrur went down to bathe. Chanting the Gayatri, he dipped into the Yamuna.

Then wonder arose in his heart.

"How did Krishna and Balaram come here? Then are they, are they not on the chariot?"

Parikshit quickly asked, "What happened, Acharyadev? Where did Akrur see Krishna and Balaram?"

Shukadeva said, "As soon as he dipped into the water while chanting the Gayatri mantra, Akrur saw Krishna and Balaram a little distance away in the water. But they had been on the chariot. Then how had they come here? Thinking this, Akrur quickly rose from the water and looked back. His chariot was standing under the shade of a tree. And what wonder! Krishna and Balaram were sitting on the chariot itself. Then who were these in the water?"

Parikshit asked, "Did Akrur see wrongly, Acharyadev?"

Shukadeva replied, "Akrur himself thought so too. Then he looked carefully into the water again. This time Akrur saw an even more wonderful sight. He saw that Lord Anantadev himself was there in the water. He had a thousand hoods, a huge body, and a shining crown. Gandharvas, siddhas, holy men, and great souls stood around him. And on the lap of Anantadev sat four-armed Narayan, dressed in yellow cloth. His body was dark like a cloud. He was adorned with precious jewels. Not in thought, not in meditation, not in yoga, but simply by going down to bathe, Akrur received this vision. This, this is beyond words. It was because Akrur was such a devotee that the Lord himself appeared to him in this form, King. In his four hands were conch, discus, mace, and lotus. His wonderfully beautiful and peaceful face seemed filled with a divine smile. All the gods, including Brahma, were praising him. There were attendants like Nanda, Sunanda, and Upananda. Great devotees like Prahlad were sitting at his feet. Powers like knowledge, ignorance, fame, fortune, and Hladini had taken form and were serving him."

Seeing Narayan with his own eyes, Akrur’s whole body thrilled with joy. His throat choked. And his eyes filled with tears.

He began to pray, "O Supreme Brahman, you are eternal. You, you are the highest cause. All creation comes from you. Outside you there is nothing at all, Lord. Yogis, devotees, and wise men all worship only you. All divine forms are truly your forms. All find their resting place in you. O Padmanabh, I bow to you."

Akrur kept praising Narayan with full heart and bowing to him again and again.

Suddenly that divine vision disappeared from before his eyes. In front of him there was only the water of the Yamuna.

Akrur was astonished. He quickly finished bathing and came up. He came near the chariot. Even then, his face and eyes still seemed bright with the nectar of love.

Seeing him, Krishna asked in his sweet voice, "O wise Akrur, did you see any strange sight here in the sky, or on the earth, or in the waters of the Yamuna?"

Akrur answered, "O Lord, O Master, when I have seen you, there is nothing left for me to see. Everything in creation is within you. You are the form of the whole universe. Your form is the universal form. Then what more is there for me to see, Lord?"

Krishna said, "You went into the Yamuna, and after that I did not see you for a long time. So I thought perhaps you had seen some wonderful sight and become enchanted by it. Now then, let us go on the road to Mathura."

Akrur bowed. "As you command, Lord."

They moved on toward Mathura. Before long they reached the gate of the city of Mathura.

By that time Nanda Raja had already arrived there from Vrindavan. Upananda, Sunanda, and the others were with him.

In front of them, Krishna and Balaram got down from the chariot.

Krishna then said, "Please take the chariot and go, great-minded Akrur. Return to your own house. We will rest here for a while first, and then we will go to see the city of Mathura."

Akrur at once objected. "No, Lord, forgive me. No, I cannot go anywhere leaving you here. The Lord Narayan, ruler of the three worlds, is standing on the road himself, and I will go home? No, no, that cannot be."

Krishna said, "I am very tired now. I will rest here for a little while."

But Akrur begged again, "No, Lord, please come to my house. There I will make every arrangement for your rest. My family, my honor, and my ancestors, past and future, will be blessed, Lord. I am begging you. Come, Madhav, come to my house."

Krishna answered, "We will surely come to your house with everyone, great-minded Akrur, but not now. The time has not yet come. First I will destroy that wicked killer and cruel tyrant Kansa and remove Mathura’s danger. After that, I will listen to whatever my relatives say. You should return now. Do not delay."

Though unwilling, Akrur accepted Krishna’s order with bowed head. Sadly, he returned alone.

With the chariot he came and stopped near Kansa’s royal palace. Now he had to tell King Kansa that his journey to Vrindavan had succeeded, and that he had brought Krishna and Balaram.

Kansa was sitting there in eager waiting.

So Akrur did not delay any longer. He came to the palace.