Krishna's Disguise

“O Tulsi Devi, please accept my worship. Please accept my offering. Give me a place at your holy feet, Devi. I have come to your shelter. Bless me by giving me your darshan. O Tulsi Devi, please accept my bow.”

Radha prayed like this with all her heart.

Just then her mother came to her and spoke with deep concern. “My child, you have not eaten anything all day. The maid said you sent back all the food. Why, my dear? What has happened to you? Why are you fasting? Tell me, my child.”

Radha bowed her head and answered softly, “I am observing a vow, Mother. Until that vow is fulfilled, I will not eat anything. Please do not ask me to eat, Mother. Bless me, so that I may succeed.”

“A vow! Why, I have never heard of such a thing before. What vow have you taken, Radha?”

“I am keeping the vow of Goddess Tulsi, Mother. Until she is pleased, I will not even touch water.”

Her mother was startled. “What! For whom are you suffering so much, my child? What has happened to you? What do you want? Please tell me, my dear.”

Radha replied, “One should not speak of a sacred resolve. I beg you, do not stop me, Mother. Let me do my prayer.”

Her mother looked at her with helpless love and finally said, “What more can I say! May Tulsi Devi bless you and fulfill the wish of your heart.”

From the moment Radha had seen Krishna, she could think of nothing else. She had completely lost herself. At every moment she had only one thought—how she could see Shyam Sundar again, how she could be with him.

But Radha lived in a household. She had a family, a husband, honor, and respect. She could not simply leave everything behind and run to him. How could she deny fate? Now there was only one path, only one way—worship of Tulsi Devi. By Tulsi Devi’s blessing, she would surely attain Krishna.

King Parikshit listened with wonder and then asked, “Who is Tulsi Devi, O sage?”

Shukadeva Goswami replied, “By receiving the grace of Tulsi Devi, one can reach Shri Hari, O King. Hari keeps Tulsi upon his head. To hold her forever in his heart, Hari himself came as stone. Have you heard of the Shaligram stone, Parikshit?”

“Yes, O sage, I have heard. To honor Tulsi Devi’s word, the Lord himself became stone, yet he did not abandon his devotee. Shri Hari kept Tulsi in his own heart. Narayan is not worshiped without Tulsi. Then does Tulsi Devi have a connection with the king of Vrindavan, O teacher?”

“Yes, Parikshit, she does,” said Shuka. “Wherever Shri Hari himself is present, Tulsi must also be there. The grove of Tulsi was formed there. Another name of Tulsi is Vrinda. It is from sister Vrinda that the name Vrindavan comes. Is that not so?”

“Now I understand why Shri Radha worshiped Tulsi Devi, O sage. Did she receive darshan?”

“Yes, she did. By serving brahmins and doing severe fasting without water, she received the blessing of Tulsi Devi. The four-armed goddess appeared, shining with a bright crown, seated on Garuda. Her two eyes were like lotus petals.

Om Vrindav Tulsite priya Keshavas Vishnu bhakti prade satya namo namo Vrindav Tulsite.

Then Tulsi Devi said, ‘Radha, rise, open your eyes. I am pleased with your penance, blessed one. Ask me for a boon. What do you desire?’”

With folded hands Radha prayed, “O Tulsi Devi, please accept my bow. If you are pleased with my penance, then grant me the boon of attaining Krishna, Devi.”

Tulsi Devi said, “So be it. You will attain Krishna, Radha. He has come only for you.”

After giving this boon to Radharani, Tulsi Devi disappeared.

Radha then broke her fast, but her mind cried day and night, “Ha Krishna, Ha Krishna.” She had no taste for food. She took no joy in dress or beauty. Her moon-like fair color seemed to fade. She sat alone. She spoke to no one. She stood by the window and looked at the road with longing. Her friends came to call her and went back again. It was as if her body had no life left in it.

King Parikshit asked in a low voice, “Tell me, what does she think in her heart, O sage?”

Shuka said, “Will you hear it, O King? Will you hear what Radharani thinks in her heart?

‘O Krishna, show yourself. Listen, O Shyam Sundar, she is calling you, show yourself. I sit here below and call you again and again, Madhav, come just once. O Krishna, O Krishna.’”

That day too, Radha was sitting by the window in the same way. Just then a maid came and said, “One of your friends has come, Rajnandini. She wishes to meet you.”

Radha turned at once. “My friend? Who has come? Lalita, Vishakha, or Chandravati?”

“No, Princess, none of them. I do not know this one. I have never seen her before. When I asked her name, she only said, she is your friend.”

Hearing the maid’s words, Radha was surprised. She quickly came to her chamber and saw a cowherd girl there.

There were karabi flowers in her braid. She wore a tiny pearl ornament in her nose, anklets on her feet, bangles on her hands, toe rings on her toes, and a necklace around her neck. Her color was a soft dark shade. When she walked, her anklets seemed to ring in sweet music. Radha had never seen this young girl before.

In surprise she asked, “I have never seen you before. Are you perhaps a gopi from Braj? Where do you live, sister?”

The girl answered, “I live in Vrindavan. You have heard of King Nanda’s house, have you not? I live to the north of that house.”

“What is your name?”

“I do not really have a proper name. Everyone calls me Gop Devata. You may call me that too.”

“Very well, then I will call you that. Do you know, sister Gop Devata, I feel I have seen you somewhere. Why does it feel like this? You seem very much like someone. Have you come here before?”

“No, this is my first time. I heard Lalita and Vishakha praise you so much that I came to see you with my own eyes. I had wished to come for many days, you know. I could not come before. Please do not mind. Today I could not stay away any longer, so I came.”

Radha gazed at her and said warmly, “What are you saying, Gop Devata! You came to see me? But since I saw you, I have only been looking at you. Beauty like yours, such softness and such brightness—I have never seen it anywhere. All my friends would look pale beside your charm. And as for me, do not even speak of me. Among stars, you are like the brightest one. Where did you get such beauty?”

The girl smiled and replied, “Listen, O queen of Braj. Beauty and virtue like yours do not exist even in Indra’s kingdom. It was hearing that which brought me here. Now I see that you are far more beautiful than gold itself. No words are enough for you, Radharani.”

Radha asked simply, “Will you be my friend?”

“I am already your friend. Why else would I come?”

“After seeing you, all my sadness has gone away. A flood of joy has come into my heart. Look, look, my whole body is thrilled.”

The stranger then asked, “Why is the queen of Braj sad? Has someone wounded your tender heart?”

Radha sighed. “What can I say, friend? Nanda’s son has stolen my heart, my life, my joy, my feelings, everything. Since seeing him, I have become like this, friend. You live near Nanda’s house, do you not? You surely know him. Just by seeing him once, I have forgotten the whole world, friend. It is as if I am living while dead.”

The girl answered, “Very well then. If I meet him, I will tell him what you said. Well then, I should go now. I have a long way to travel.”

Radha quickly said, “Why should you go, dear friend? Stay with me today. Do not go. You will have no trouble here. In this palace, whatever is mine, whatever I love, I will give it all to you.”

“Really?”

“Yes, truly. You will live happily, friend. Food, comfort, pleasure, luxury—you will lack nothing. Tell me, will you stay? We two friends will spend the whole day talking.”

The girl shook her head. “Stay, friend? No, I must return. There is no way for me to stay. But do not be sad. I will come to you again tomorrow at dawn. I will stay a long time, all right? Now I will go.”

Radha looked at her with longing. “I do not have the strength to stop you, friend. Then go. I will sit waiting for your return and watch the road.”

King Parikshit then asked, “Why did Shri Krishna come to Shri Radhika in the form of a woman, Lord? Why did he not reveal his true identity?”

Shukadeva said, “It is lila, O King, lila. Just as Radha has become mad in her love for Krishna, Krishna too is bound by his love for Radha. In new love, what all a person may do—who can say, O King? Trick, skill, secrecy, mystery—without these, how would the sweet lila grow? But there is another side to it too, O King.”

“What is that side, Lord?”

“To come near Prakriti, one must become Prakriti, O King. Without becoming Prakriti, one cannot reach the Supreme Prakriti. Taking on the mood of Prakriti is the greatest part of spiritual practice. Do not listen to the Vrindavan lila as if it were only a story, Parikshit. Many secrets of the spiritual world are hidden inside this tale. Do you understand, O King?”

“I understand, Lord.”

“Only one who can uncover that secret becomes worthy of hearing this lila.”

Then Shuka added, “You have spoken truly, O King. Otherwise, if one sees it with an impure eye and an impure mind, this sweet land becomes small and ordinary.”

Parikshit bowed his head. “May that vision awaken in me too, Lord. Please bless me. May I fully taste that sweetness, O sage.”

“You surely will. A devotee like you is rare in this world, Parikshit. In every way, you are worthy to hear Krishna’s story. But so that the human mind may remain fully pure, I warn again and again, O King. This must be heard with an undivided mind. No restlessness should arise.”

“By your blessing, I have now become calm and focused, O teacher. Please tell me, did Shri Shri Krishna come to Radharani the next morning at dawn, Lord?”

“Yes, Parikshit, he did. But as she kept thinking of when he would come, her sleep flew away in the night. The next day, the sky had only just begun to turn red. She came and stood in her garden. Who knew? If the friend did not find her, perhaps she might go back. After waiting through the whole night, her patience had reached its final limit.

Just then Radharani saw that new friend. Radha ran to her at once and held her hand.”

Radha said eagerly, “Gop Devata, you have come? Thinking of whether you would come or not, I could not sleep at all from excitement last night, you know.”

The girl replied, “Oh my, why would I not come? I gave you my word. When I give my word, I keep it. But why does your face look so pale today, friend? Are you unwell? Has someone said something to you? Have your father and mother or the people of your in-laws’ house spoken badly of you? Tell me, friend.”

Radha lowered her eyes. “What will happen by telling you? How much can you really do?”

“What are you saying, friend! I can do anything for you. Except for the brahmin families devoted to Krishna, I can punish anyone I wish.”

“Are you speaking the truth?”

“Yes, truly.”

Radha tried to smile and said, “Listen, Gop Devata, I give you all my precious jewels. In this palace there are many fast horses, huge elephants, and countless cows like Kamadhenu. I give all of them to you. Now please smile.”

The girl answered, “O queen of Braj, I want none of these riches from you. Let them remain yours. This wealth cannot make me happy.”

“Then what do you lack, friend? Tell me.”

“Will you hear? What I lack is honor. My honor has been taken away. I have been insulted.”

Radha was shocked. “What? Who insulted you, Gop Devata? Who has such great courage? No one in this land of Braj has such boldness. Tell me that person’s name.”

The girl said, “The one you think of day and night insulted me. That son of Nanda, Krishna. He has caused me great loss today.”

Radha stared at her. “What are you saying? The Madan Mohan of Braj?”

“Yes, friend, your Madan Mohan.”

“What harm did he do?”

The girl began to complain. “At the end of the night, I got up and was going to sell milk, curd, and kheer. After all, I live by selling these things. And then, what did I see on the road? He stood in the middle of the road with his flute tucked at his waist. Then as soon as he saw me, he said, ‘Stop. Where are you going? No one may pass from here without paying tax to me. Do you not know that?’

“‘Who are you? Why should I pay tax to you? I pay tax to no one except the king. Move aside, let me pass.’

“‘So you will not pay me tax? Then see what I do to you now.’”

Radha asked in alarm, “What did he do?”

“He snatched the curd pot from my hand by force and broke it. The milk and kheer that were there, he ate them himself. Then he grabbed some for his friends too, you know? I was left with nothing to sell. Tell me, how great was my loss? What a greedy and naughty boy he is! And for him you have gone mad.”

Radha spoke at once, “No, Gop Devata, do not speak of him like that.”

“Should I not? He has no family honor, no character, no sense of manners or courtesy. The one to whom you have given your heart and life is really a coward, a rogue, and a weak man, nothing more. Give him up, Radha. Forget your beloved Krishna today itself.”

Radha straightened and said firmly, “Be careful, Gop Devata. You will not speak another word against Krishna. I will hear nothing more. You speak ill of him! Do you know who he is?”

The girl replied, “Who? Let me hear.”

Radha’s eyes shone as she answered, “He has come to destroy the sins of this earth and protect the holy people. Blue-throated Mahadev remembers him day and night. That is why he remains calm even with such deadly poison in his throat. Even after ages of penance, yogis, sages, and seers do not receive his darshan. And you are speaking ill of Shri Hari himself, the Lord of Golok.”

The girl asked, “Is that so? How did you come to know all this, friend?”

“I learned it in meditation, friend. I learned it through devotion to him. You should worship him too, and then you will know.”

Still the girl argued, “If your Krishna is so great, then why did he ruin me in the middle of the road like that? He spoiled all my goods for sale. I could not earn even one coin today.”

Radha answered gently, “Do not be sad, friend. He is most loving toward his devotees. The fact that he himself wished to eat from you means you have earned the merit of many past births. It is said that no one is dearer to him than his devotee. Hari can do anything for his devotee. He goes about following his devotees.”

The girl said, “No, friend, I cannot accept that. If your Lord Hari appears here this very moment, then I will believe your words are true.”

Radha replied at once, “Very well, so it shall be. If he truly comes, then tell me what boon I should ask from him for you.”

“First let him come. I will speak of the rest later.”

As they kept talking, the day slowly passed. By then Lalita, Vishakha, and Radha’s other friends had arrived at Vrishabhanu’s house in search of Radha. But Radha spoke to none of them. Taking her new friend, that Gop Devata, with her, she came into her room and sat in meditation.

“Om Shri Keshavaya namah. Om Shri Keshavaya namah. Shri Keshavaya namah.”

Then a voice called to her, “Radhe, rise. Radhe, open your eyes. Look, I have come.”

Radha opened her eyes and cried out, “Krishna! Krishna! Krishna!”

Krishna said tenderly, “I heard your call. If you call me with a single-minded heart, how can I stay away? Leaving Gokul, Vrindavan, Banshibat, Yamuna, everything, I came running to you, Radhe. Tell me, what shall I do now?”

Radha looked around in confusion. “Gop Devata! Gop Devata, where did she go? She was right here.”

Krishna asked, “Whom are you looking for?”

“Gop Devata.”

“And who is Gop Devata? Oh, I understand. When I was coming, I saw a young girl going away. Are you looking for her? Look, friend, never trust a deceiver. Whether she is a kinnari or a yakshini, whoever she may be, she came to trick you. Do not trust her, Radha.”

Still trembling, Radha said, “Madhav, did you truly come, Madhav? I cannot believe it.”

“Why can you not believe it, Radha? How could I fail to answer the call of one like you, full as the moon? Among the girls of Braj, you are the most beautiful. You have beauty, family, character, honor—everything. How could I stay away from you? But you have not told me why you called me. What service shall I do for you, Radha?”

Radha’s voice shook. “Hare, ah, what can I say, what can I ask for! Grant me this boon, Krishna, that I may have the right to serve you forever.”

Krishna replied, “No, O queen of Braj, do not say that. I have come to Braj only so that I may serve Shri Radhika. At last the grace of the Lady has come to me. Grant me the right to serve you, Radharani. See, here I am, sitting before you with both hands stretched out. Bless me, beloved.”

Radha could only cry again and again, “Krishna! Krishna! Krishna! Krishna!”

Then Radharani bowed before Shri Krishna. Krishna himself lifted Radha with both hands, wiped her eyes, and lovingly seated her beside him.

Around them the sakhis began to sing. Hearing that wonderful melody, how could the flute-holder remain still? He too began to play the flute. Shri Radhika’s dream was fulfilled. All her sadness disappeared. Like a lovely crescent moon, she shone at the left side of Shri Hari. Seeing this paired form of Radha and Krishna, the joy of the sakhis knew no bounds. Adorning them with garlands and sandal paste, all together they began to sing the glory of Radha and Krishna.

King Parikshit, overcome with devotion, said, “It was to hear of this union that I had been waiting so eagerly all this time, O teacher. Ah, my human life is blessed. My hearing, my thought, my understanding, all are blessed. I bow to you, Lord. I bow to you.”

Shukadeva Goswami replied, “King Parikshit, truly you are blessed, O King. Without fortune, without the grace of Shri Hari, no one can hear of his lila in this way. You are one of those rare devotees of Hari, O King.”

Parikshit folded his hands. “It is all the causeless grace of that Supreme Lord, Lord. Otherwise, how could a sinful, foolish, fallen man like me receive such a rare chance, and hear of this sweet lila from one like you, the very supreme person before me. My sins, my pride, my fear, my shame—all are being washed away, Lord. By your grace, Shri Hari himself now dwells within me. I can clearly feel it.”

Shuka said, “If any true change has come within you, it has not come because of me, O King. That change has come because of Shri Hari himself. Do not forget this, Parikshit. Shri Hari himself and his words are not different. Do you know that?”

Parikshit replied, “No, O sage, I did not know that. I am hearing this for the first time. What does it mean? Will you explain it to me, Lord?”

Shukadeva said, “Listening to the words of God brings joy. Do you know that, O King? This thrill that comes over you, this trembling of delight—these are signs of joy, are they not?”

“Yes, Lord, I feel great joy. It seems as if this should go on from beginningless time forever.”

“This endless, boundless feeling—that is the feeling of God. God himself is endless joy. In his words too, that same feeling is present. A person feels something on seeing God. And hearing his words brings the touch of that same feeling. Then where is the difference? Hari himself and his words—both carry that same truth. Is that not so, Parikshit?”

“Yes, O teacher, you have spoken truly. There is no equal to this joy. Nothing can compare with it.”

Shuka continued, “If simply hearing it causes such thrill in you, then think how much joy spread through the paths of Vrindavan. Even the gods themselves would come down in disguise to taste that joy. They would spread themselves there as trees, flowers, vines, leaves, or birds and animals of Vrindavan. Yakshas, gandharvas, sages, and groups of ascetics would mix themselves into the sky, the air, the water, and the earth of that great holy land, so that at least once they might receive the touch of Shri Hari and see him fully with their own eyes.”

Parikshit said in amazement, “How wonderful, O teacher! Then everything in Vrindavan is alive. Then everything there is divine.”

“Yes, O King. What cannot be seen with the outer eyes must be seen with the inner eyes. Only then can this divine abode be seen.”

“How are the inner eyes formed, O sage?”

“They are not formed, O King. Everyone has those eyes. They only need to be awakened. Some can do it, some cannot. One who can awaken them can see the divine Shyam and the divine abode.”

“How can they be awakened, Lord? Please tell me.”

“By hearing of love, those eyes open by themselves, O King. The outer eyes open toward enjoyment, and the inner eyes open through renunciation. The more love for Hari awakens, the more sickness, sorrow, and worldly pleasure are destroyed, and the more that inner sight becomes bright and pure, Parikshit.”

Parikshit listened with full attention and then said with deep feeling, “It will become bright. Ah, what wonderful words I have heard!”