Radhakrishna's Holi

"It is very late now. Won't you all go back home?" Krishna said softly. "Your households are waiting for you. Listen, friends, now go back to your own work. I am also very tired from all this dancing, singing, and joy. Now I will rest a little."

At once the gopis answered him.

"Oh Shyam, what kind of words are these, Giridhari? You are tired, and knowing that, how can we go back? First we will remove your tiredness by serving you, Krishna. Then we will think of anything else."

Krishna smiled. "You will serve me? Very well then. I am sitting here by the bank of the Yamuna. Let me see what service you will do."

The moment he sat down, the gopis cried out in loving concern.

"What is this, Madhav, do not sit like this. Why will you sit in this dirty dust? We will never let you become covered in dust. Wait a little, Madhav, wait a little. We will spread our upper cloths and make a seat for you."

"Krishna, will you sit there?"

"Your cloths will become dirty."

"By your touch, their honor will grow, Madhav. By touching them, we too will feel that we are touching you. Come, Krishna, sit here. The breeze from the Yamuna will remove your tiredness. And by our service your body will also feel well, Madhav."

The gopis spread their cloths upon the ground and seated the Lord of Braj upon them. Then they began to serve him with deep love. Some gently rubbed his shoulders. Some massaged his hands. Some took his two feet in their hands and served them tenderly.

None of them wished to return home. They had forgotten their homes, families, husbands, and children. It was as if they had taken birth only for Krishna. Their minds were lost in him alone.

Then Gopikanta Madhav looked at them without blinking and said again, "Won't you go home, friends? Won't you live your household lives?"

At this, the gopis spoke in pain.

"Household life? If we return to that life, you will leave, Madhav. Our world will become empty again. If you go away from before our eyes, what will we do, Madhav? Tell us, is it only we who lose our hearts and lives by thinking of you all the time, Krishna? But you do not think of us. That is why you are telling us to go away. Could you be so cruel to us?"

Krishna answered them gently, "Do you think I am like an ordinary flower, friend? You are asking from me what one person asks from another person. But friend, you are mistaken. You will not get that from me."

The gopis were stunned. "We will not? Why, Madhav? Do you not feel even a little pull toward us? Does our longing not reach you?"

"Listen, friend," Krishna said, "let me tell you something. I do not walk in the usual way of human beings. One who longs for me, I do not remain before that person's eyes day and night. Do not think, friend, that such a person will always be able to see me."

"How cruel you are, Keshav!"

"You call me cruel without understanding me," he said. "You blame me for no reason."

"For no reason? Very well, then tell us, Madhav. Tell us the true reason for this strange way of yours."

Krishna said, "All right, then listen to my nature, friends. If I stay near you all the time, then your hearts and lives will not search for me all the time anymore. If you can see me whenever you wish, then what will happen to your yearning, friend? This longing in your hearts and lives for me now, what will happen to it? Now your hearts and lives wake day and night crying, 'Krishna, Krishna.' That will not remain, friend. That is why I move away from before you."

Hearing this, King Parikshit asked, "Even with this selfless and desireless love, the gopis could not bind God? Then how can he be bound, Acharyadev?"

Shukadeva Goswami replied, "If the gopis could not bind God, then who else could, O King? He is bound only by the gopis. But he did not stay with them every moment. And he also told them the reason for his absence."

"Then?"

"No, Parikshit, it does not end here," said Shuka. "Hearing the words of the Lord, the gopis became full of sorrow. If the Lord would not stay with them, then what would they do with this life? Then they would burn and die in the fire of separation from Krishna. Their eyes were filled with tears, and their faces were heavy with deep hurt."

As soon as they heard Krishna's words, the gopis said, "O Madhav, you do not have only one lover. Your lovers are spread all over the world. You may go to anyone you wish. Who can stop you? And who can hold you back? Who has that power? Go wherever you wish, Madhav. But where will we go? We have no one except you. We cannot worship anyone else. We, we will die thinking only of you. That is our fate."

Krishna looked at them with great affection. "What is this? Will you die? One who thinks of me receives my glory. Friend, such a one becomes immortal. And what more can I say about you? The devotion with which you love me is very rare, friend, very rare. Such devotion is nowhere else in this world. Because of this pull, I remain forever in your debt, friend."

Parikshit asked in wonder, "God himself remained in debt to his devotees, Acharyadev?"

"Yes, O King," said Shuka. "The gopis of Vrindavan have no bodily awareness. They know nothing except Krishna. By thinking of Krishna all the time, they themselves remain filled with Krishna, only filled with Krishna. Ah, what a beautiful state that is, O King. Whatever they see, wherever they look, everything seems to them to be Krishna. No one has ever been able to become one with Krishna the way the gopis of Vrindavan did, O King, no one. Before such love, God himself remains bound, O King. That is why Vrindavan is his very life."

Parikshit's heart overflowed. "Ah, what wonderful words you have spoken, Lord. My eyes are overflowing, my heart is full, and the hairs on my body are standing up. Truly, just as Hari is endless, the words about Hari are also endless. When one hears these words, love awakens, worldly desires go away, and life becomes blessed."

Shuka said, "Do you understand, O King? If hearing the words of Hari makes your body thrill, then it is as if you have reached near that immortal abode, O King. Your fear of death has been destroyed."

The king bowed his head. "I, I want to hear more, Lord. Tell me about Vrindavan. I have been sitting like a thirsty bird only to hear those words, Acharyadev."

"Tell me, O King, what do you wish to know?"

Parikshit said, "Tell me about Radharani, great sage. Tell me about the meeting of Radha and Krishna."

Soon spring came to Vrindavan. The day of the color festival drew near. The hearts of the sakhis were full of joy. They longed to lovingly place colors upon Krishna. So even before Dol Purnima, they had begun to make colors with their own hands. Vrindavan itself was preparing the colors that Krishna loved. Now everyone waited for that blessed day.

At last, all were ready to play with colors. Everywhere people spoke of the festival. Everyone was eager. Everyone was joyful.

Only one person had not come.

It was Radharani.

Parikshit asked at once, "Why, Acharyadev? Why did she not come?"

Shukadeva answered, "She was hurt with Krishna. Krishna goes to the other friends, wanders with them on the bank of the Yamuna, under the flute tree, and in the forests. Perhaps he did not even meet Shri Radhika. So Radha was upset. She would not meet Krishna anymore."

So while all Vrindavan prepared for Dol, Radha sat alone in her in-laws' house, turned away from the festival.

That day the land of Braj was full of excitement. Krishna himself wore yellow clothes. His flute was in his hand. His hair was tied up, and in it rested a peacock feather. On his forehead shone the sandal mark given by Mother Yashoda. He had bowed to Mother and Father, to Rohini Devi, and to elder brother Balaram after offering them color. Then Madhav went out with his friends to play.

The sakhis stood waiting for him with trays of color in their hands.

"There, there comes Madhav. Come, come, friend. Before he puts color on us, today let us color him first. See, I have made a garland. Come, come, let us decorate him with this forest garland. Come."

"Wait, Madhav, wait. Today we will put color on you to our heart's content."

Krishna laughed. "Come, friend, come. Put as much color as you like. Give me all your colors today. I want to take them all, friend. But where is your queen today, friend? I do not see her on this festival day."

The sakhis looked at one another. "Who are you speaking of, Madhav? I do not understand."

Krishna smiled. "How will you understand, friend? I myself could not understand her. Still, tell me, whose name are you saying, Krishna?"

Then Krishna spoke from his heart. "The one for whom your mind and my mind are restless. Will you hear the words of my heart, friend? One name is written there, and I repeat that name day and night. My mind, life, and soul stay drowned in that name. My flute knows no other name."

The sakhis teased him. "We understand, we understand. We are no one at all then. Why would you call us by name?"

"Do not be angry, friend, do not be angry," Krishna said sweetly. "All right, place your hands on your hearts and tell me, do you not also repeat her name day and night? Are you not, like me, eager for her? Tell the truth, friend."

Now the sakhis admitted it. "Yes, Madhav, you, you have spoken the truth. Just as our lives feel empty if we do not see you, in the same way, if we do not receive a call to the court of the Queen of Braj, it feels very empty. If a seat is not prepared for her among us, then all joy somehow feels dull."

Krishna spread his hands. "Then why do you blame only me? Like you, I too am helpless."

The sakhis laughed again. "We understand, we understand. Do not try to save yourself anymore. You have been caught, Krishna. Now you will be punished by her. That is why she did not come here."

Krishna looked surprised. "What are you saying? I will be punished? Why? What is my offense?"

They answered, "She has heard that instead of going to her, you wander from grove to grove among the gopis. She waits for you day after day. But you gave no value to that waiting. So now she too is upset."

Krishna's expression changed at once. "What are you saying? Your Queen of Braj became angry with me?"

"Yes, Madhav, we are speaking the truth. Forget speaking of you, she does not even wish to hear your name with her own ears. If someone still keeps speaking, and does not listen to her refusal, then she gets up and leaves that place."

"No! What are you saying? This cannot be."

"Very well," said the sakhis, "since you do not want to believe it, come yourself. You will see it all with your own eyes. Come with us, Shyam. Let us see how much care your Radharani gives you."

"Yes, yes, Shyam, come, come. We will see with our own eyes. We will not be at peace until we see what punishment the Queen of Braj gives you."

Krishna gave them a playful look. "Yes, yes, of course you would say that. To please you all, now I must go and soften her anger, and then you will dance with joy seeing my sad condition. Tell me, friend, whom do you truly worship?"

They answered at once, "We worship the Queen of Braj, Radharani. We worship Shri Radha, daughter of Vrishabhanu. Do you understand, Giridhari?"

So the group of sakhis took Krishna with them and started toward the house of Shri Radha's in-laws. In the trays in their hands were kumkum, sandal paste, color powder, and beautiful garlands arranged neatly. Some carried baskets of flowers. Some happily sprinkled Yamuna water all around. Some held peacock feathers. Some, while walking along the road, picked nameless forest fruits and kept stringing garlands from them.

Shukadeva said to the king, "The Lord himself was walking with them, Parikshit. That is why their joy would not stay within them. Shyamsundar had a water-syringe in his hand, and the friends had color powder in theirs. Whomever Madhusudan met on the way, he colored with the water-syringe. The roads and paths of Vrindavan became full of color. The people of Braj began to sing in joy. To the beat of their songs, the group of friends began to dance around Shyam."

Parikshit was swept away by the sweetness of the scene. "Ha ha, what joy. Ah, what a wonderful joy. That thrill is rising in me, Lord. Look, what strange joy I am feeling. Hearing of this joy from your lips has made the joy many times greater. On your face too, on your face too, the glow of that divine joy is shining, Lord. Seeing it, I am blessed. Even without being there on that full-moon day of colors in Vrindavan, my subtle body seems to be dancing at the feet of the Lord. Blessed, Lord, blessed."

Then, with folded hands, the king praised the sage. "O sages, you are very wise, truly full of knowledge."

Shuka answered humbly, "You know that one must always remain a devotee, one must never become Krishna. I am surrendered to the Supreme Lord and have come only to speak of his divine play. May the wish of that boundless, endless Supreme Soul be fulfilled. I am only a tool in his hands."

Parikshit pleaded, "Lord, tell me of Krishna. Lord, tell me of Krishna. Please remain calm, Acharyadev. Who but you will save me, Lord? Who will lead me on the path of liberation? Please show mercy, Lord, please show mercy."

Shukadeva said, "Do not fear, O King. I will not go anywhere without telling you the main matter, O King, nowhere. Now let me tell you of the Queen of Braj, Shrimati Radhika."

Krishna kept walking. The sakhis of Vrindavan went with him. At last they reached the door of Ayan house.

Suddenly Krishna stopped.

The sakhis turned to him. "What happened, Madhav? Why did you stop? Come, will you not go to the Queen of Braj?"

Krishna said quietly, "You go, friends. I will stand here."

At once they began to tease him. "Why? Are you afraid, Mukunda Murari? What, do you also feel fear?"

Another said, "What is this? When all creation is afraid, it remembers you. When people call on you, their fear of worldly life goes away. And now you yourself are afraid? What new play is this of yours, Lila-Madhav? How much more shall we see, Krishna?"

Krishna shook his head. "No, no, however much you try, I have not forgotten your words, friends. You go. Here, take my water-syringe, take the tray of colors, the cow-colored sandal, take everything. I will not go."

The sakhis laughed. "Yes, we will go, and then you will use that chance to turn back toward Vrindavan, is that not so, Krishna? No, that will not happen. Today we will not let you go. You cannot win every day, Madhusudan. Today is our day. We will not let you go anywhere."

Krishna answered with a smile, "Yes, I can understand that. It seems your courage has grown after entering your queen's kingdom. No, no, do not fear. I never run away, never. Waiting is my nature. You go without worry. I will stand here. Until you return, I will not go anywhere."

So with colors, powder, and water-syringes in hand, singing together, the sakhis went in to call Radharani.

In Ayan house lived his mother Jatila and his sister Kutila. On the day of the color festival, all of Vrindavan had come out onto the roads. The people of Braj floated in layer after layer of color. But these two women were very different. They stayed away from joy and from festival. There was no joy in their hearts and no smile on their faces.

Shukadeva said, "Just by hearing their names, you can understand, O King, what their minds were like. How twisted and crooked must one be to have such names."

Parikshit said, "It feels very strange, Lord. In the house where Shri Radha herself lives, in the Braj where Shyamsundar himself lives, how can such bad-hearted people also live there?"

Shuka replied, "Where there is good, there is bad, O King. Where there is the pure, there is also the impure. Both stay side by side everywhere in the world. If there were light but no darkness, O King, then would anyone understand the greatness of light? Would people value light so much?"

Parikshit nodded. "No, Lord, that is true. Only because darkness exists do we need light. Otherwise it would have no special importance."

Shukadeva continued, "This play of opposite feelings is seen everywhere in creation, O King. If everyone were good, honest, and religious, then their greatness could not be understood, O King. Then why would God need to come at all? Unless the pot of sin becomes full, the divine descent does not begin, O King, it does not."

"I understand, Acharyadev. But such dark-minded people in Shri Radha's house, that is what surprises me greatly."

"To her, everyone is accepted," said Shuka. "She gives shelter to all. No one is rejected by her. They can all stay safely near her. And besides, if Jatila and Kutila were not there, the sweetness of the divine play of Radha and Krishna could not be tasted. That is why where the very form of divine sweetness is present, there too stands the living form of disturbance. Do you understand, O King?"

"Yes, Lord, I have no more doubt. Now I understand everything clearly."

Inside the house, the sakhis went dancing and singing to Radharani. But Shri Radha kept her face turned away from them. Though they pleaded again and again, nothing changed. She would not go to play with colors. Radharani sat quietly by the window. Clouds of hurt had gathered upon her face.

If the Queen of Braj herself did not come to the festival of colors, then all the colors of that festival would become pale. And what of Shyam Sundar? The sakhis had seen that his face had become dry and joyless. Here too, dark clouds of hurt covered Radharani's face. Could the full-moon festival of colors be celebrated like this?

So the sakhis began to explain gently.

"Why are you staying hurt, Rai? By being upset with Shyam, you yourself are suffering too. Tell us, do you think we did not see your tears? Come, friend, come out. On a day like this, tears should not fall, Radhe."

Radha answered softly, "No, friends, you go. You enjoy yourselves. I am well here. Does everyone suit every place? You are queens. Why should you wait for me?"

They came closer. "Tell us, have we ever gone anywhere without you? What joy is there without you, Radha? If you are not there, all colors become pale. If you are not seen, even the peacocks of Vrindavan do not spread their feathers."

Radha looked at them with a faint, sad smile. "I see even among you there is a touch of made-up words now. So who taught you all this, friend? Where did you get such language?"

Now the sakhis felt hurt. "Oh, are you the only one who can be hurt? Do we have no hurt at all? Do we not love you? Do we not understand you, that we must speak words taught by others? You have deeply wounded our hearts, Rai. Is this what you have thought of us all this time?"

At once Radha's heart melted. "Do not be angry, friend, do not be angry. I did not knowingly give you pain. My heart is not well, you know that. But why would I hurt you? You are my very life."

"Very well," they said, "if we are truly your life, then, then will you keep one request of ours, Radhe?"

"Tell me, friend, surely I will."

The sakhis then revealed the truth. "Shall we say it? Come outside just once. Shyam has come, friend. He is standing alone and silent a little distance from your house. Shyam will not play with colors unless you come. He has said he will stand there all day. And if Shyam does not play with colors, then all Vrindavan will not even touch their trays of color. Do not stay upset anymore, friend. Dear one, come outside. See, Shyam is suffering, and you too are suffering. Now all Vrindavan will also sit with dry faces. Tell us, will that be good, friend?"

Radha lowered her eyes. At last she said, "Very well, let us go then. I cannot refuse your words, friend. Come. But, but my tray of colors has not even been arranged."

The sakhis laughed with joy. "We all have brought colors for you, Radha. All the colors of Shyamsundar are yours. Why is there any need for a new tray? All the colors of this land of Braj are you. Come, friend, come. Let us go to Shyam."

Radharani came outside with the sakhis.

The very sight of her sent a wave of joy through the life of Vrindavan. The sakhis began to scatter flowers over her head. Some decorated her with kumkum and sandal. Some arranged her hair and wrapped garlands in it. Some placed flower bangles on her hands and flower garlands around her neck.

Leaving those long-desired footprints behind her, Radharani came and stood before Shyam Sundar.

Shyam stood there with wet eyes. The moment he saw Radha before him, a shiver passed through his blue form. It seemed as if the banks of the Yamuna were breaking within his eyes.

The sakhis held out a tray of color powder.

Krishna took a handful from the tray. Then the Lord of Braj bowed his head and sat low. Gently, Shyam placed color at the two tender lotus feet of Radharani. With his soft two hands, he lovingly rubbed color on her feet.

Shri Radhika was startled.

"What are you doing, Krishna? What are you doing? Shame, I will earn sin by this. Why did you do this, Lord of the world?"

Krishna looked up at her and said, "I am your eternal follower. And I am your devotee, Radhe. If I do not worship your feet, then whom shall I worship, beloved? Place these two feet of yours upon my two hands, Radhe. Today I will pour out all my colors and offer them at these feet."

The sakhis looked on in wonder.

"Look, friend, it is to see such a sight that the gods themselves have come down from heaven. There they stand like shadows, gazing without blinking at this wonderful sight."

Another said, "I see it, friend, I see it. Our birth, our duty, our actions, all have become blessed today. Our every wish is fulfilled. In this life we want nothing more. Today we are freed from all wanting and getting, friend."

Then Radha spoke with deep feeling, "O Krishna, O Madhusudan, it is you who are serving me. How can I serve you? Do not keep me away from that fortune, Hari."

Krishna answered, "I do not have the power to keep you away from it, Radhe. Whatever glory Hari has, whatever wealth he has, whatever power he has, all of it is you. It is because you are there that I have beauty and grace. As long as you remain by my side, all creation will know me as Shri Krishna. This 'Shri' is truly the expression of your and my united form. Without Radha, Hari has no 'Shri.' Before the whole world, today I declare this: Radhe Krishna Radhe."

After the sakhis brought Radha outside, suspicion rose in the mind of her mother-in-law, Jatila.

In truth, Jatila never looked kindly upon her daughter-in-law. The beauty and virtues of Shri Radhika were hard for her to bear. And on top of that, whispers about Krishna spread all over Vrindavan. Some of those whispers had reached her ears. But she had never found any proof with her own hands. So she could do nothing except sit at home and grumble. From time to time she tried to keep Radharani locked inside the house, but even in that she was not very successful. And even if she told her son Ayan, little came of it. The boy cared for nothing.

But today, when the sakhis came and called Radha away, Jatila became certain that now she would get proof.

"Kutila, hey Kutila," she called. "Did you see what happened? Could you stop that precious daughter-in-law of yours? Her friends came dancing and took her away."

Kutila answered sharply, "Oh, because you could not stop her, now she has become my precious daughter-in-law? Tell me, what were you doing, mother?"

Jatila waved her hand impatiently. "Yes, yes, all right, child, all right. Do not blame me now. Listen, Kutila, let me tell you something quietly. Go outside and keep an eye on that girl. See where she has gone."

Kutila looked around. "Who is outside?"

"Oh, go, go quickly. If you delay too much, you will not see anything at all. Every chance will slip away from our hands."

"Yes, mother, you are right. I am going right now. I will see everything and come tell you. Do not worry at all."

But Jatila stopped her. "Wait, wait, there is no use in your going alone. In such a crowd, who knows where you will have to go. Come, I will go with you too. They know tricks. Even if they fool your eyes, they will not be able to fool mine."

Kutila nodded eagerly. "Yes, mother, you are right. Then let us both go. Today we will catch her red-handed. After that, I will show that Radhasundari her place."